ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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