Will you blow on my dice?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
