i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
smell my finger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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