babies were throwing up all over the place
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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