Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
