YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
