Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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