So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
