you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
