Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
