dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize