the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
