wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need a beard to bite.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
