i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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