The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
