I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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