im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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