I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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