im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
