mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
