Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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