you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
