I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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