please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
