It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
