the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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