Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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