I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
