I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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