So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were destined to go to rehab together
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
