wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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