so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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