I want you more than these girls want KFC
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
