no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
