Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize