Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
