wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
