I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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