.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
