I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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