We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
