is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
