hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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