Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
