I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
