idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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