you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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