yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
