remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's never too late to be topless.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
