I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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