He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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