i think my mom watched the whole time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
