I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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