there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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