she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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