At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
