Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
