I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
