Only a mothe r could love this liver
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
