I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
