If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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