So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
