OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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