i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
