Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think i have herpe
just one?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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