i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
