So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
