Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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